


Soothing Words

by japanfan101



Series: Getting Under Your Skin [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Cuddles, Dysphoria, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Reader-Insert, reader is a trans guy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 09:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5823028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/japanfan101/pseuds/japanfan101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short drabble, in which Gaster comforts a dysphoric reader. I wrote this for myself, then altered it so it'd be a reader insert because there's not enough of those with trans characters (I have a serious problem trying to find stories I can relate to comfortably because of that, which is why I started writing my own) and I wanted to help anyone else struggling. It might be depressing for some, so be careful if stuff like this upsets you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soothing Words

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling pretty dysphoric (not this bad, though), and I wanted to write this as a way to cope or something? I dunno. It made me feel better to write. I have a Gaster problem at the moment and need to get it all out of my system lol.
> 
> This is my first reader insert, but the character is a trans guy so it might not be helpful to you if you're not. But you're free to read anyways if you want, obviously :3 Gaster and reader live together, and are dating but haven't been for long.

You’re sitting in bed, huddled against the corner, choking back sobs. The last thing you want is for your roommate to wake up. _I’d only cause problems for him, he works in a few hours and there’s no way he’d forgive me for that. And anyways I’m fucking pitiful… this is so stupid. I’m stupid. Why am I being like this?_

Hugging your legs closer to yourself, you can’t help but notice how your chest gets compressed by your knees. Frustration seeps into your voice, “Fuck these stupid things! Fuck… I just want them gone!” You don’t realize that you actually said that, and quite loudly, until the door to Gaster’s room creaks open. A shudder runs down your back and your eyes go wide, panicking. _Shit shit shit, this isn’t… I didn’t mean…_

In a groggy voice, you hear Gaster at your door, “[Y/N]? Are you all right?” he knocks quietly, waiting. Unable to help yourself, a whimper escapes your lips despite your best attempts to keep quiet.

Taking a deep breath, you hesitantly speak up, “I-I-I… Yeah, yeah, I’m… I’m just perfect. Uh… Nightmare. It- it was a nightmare.” _Oh great, real fucking convincing moron! I might as well add stupidity to the list of things that come naturally to me._

“…Are you certain? You sound quite distraught.” Worry laces his voice.

Unable to hold it back anymore you let out a quiet sob, shaking. Through tears, you manage to answer him, “Everything’s… fine. I’m… I’ll be okay.”

Gaster doesn’t answer right away, and you wonder if he left. There’s silence, save for the short, quick breaths as you try to keep everything in.

The door to your room groans in protest as Gaster pushes it open. “Forgive me for intruding, but I want to make sure you’re okay. I can leave if you really would like me to, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing I left you like this.”

When you don’t respond, he sits next to you on the bed. A hand reaches out to rest on your head, but he stops and pulls his hand back when you flinch away at the contact.

Almost half an hour passes, the only sound between you two is your attempts to keep yourself from crying. Your thoughts echo loudly in your brain, though. _Why, why? I’m such an idiot! This is stupid, he thinks I’m pathetic, he’s pitying me… He’s going to yell at me for waking him up, and he’s only sitting in here to make me feel bad for waking him! I… I…_

Your breathing grows more rapid and Gaster’s expression shows more concern by the second. His voice is a soothing whisper. “[Y/N], I want to help you. It’s all going to be okay, you’re safe and I’m here with you.” His arms wrap around you and he pulls you against him.

At first you tense up, but eventually lean into him. Finally you fall apart, gripping him tightly and crying into his chest. Between sobs, you manage to verbalize your thoughts in some kind of coherent way. ”I can’t do this, I can’t!” Your fingers dig into his shoulder blades, “I just want to be normal! Is that- is that really too much to ask? I don’t want to feel this way anymore… it’s so disgusting, I’m disgusting!”

Unable to form words anymore, you continue bawling as his hands slowly rub your back. When you do stop talking, he fills the air with quiet, gentle whispers, “there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, everything is going to be okay. I love you.” One of his hands runs through your hair and you shiver, whimpering.

“No, no no, it’s not going to be okay! I'm a disgusting freak! I don’t… I-I… I don’t want this body, I don’t want these feelings, I just want to be normal...” Another sob pours out of your throat, and you suddenly feel weak, way too weak.

“[Y/N], I promise you that everything is okay. You’re perfect.” _Liar…_ His hand continues to rub your back, and the other runs through your hair soothingly.

Shaking in his arms, you try to take a deep breath, but only manage a series of small, quick breaths. You bite your bottom lip to keep from breaking into a new round of sobs, these ones have just about died out. _Perfect doesn’t exist. And I’m… just barely acceptable…_

“I love you just the way you are. There is no one in this universe who I’d rather spend time with than you.” His voice is soft and normally would calm you, but it just makes you angry right now.

“…I don’t want your pity, if that’s what this is. And I… I know you’re lying to me. I’m a fucking disaster, trying to be a real man when I’m just a little bitch stuck in this stupid, fleshy cage! There’s no way anyone wants to be around me.” You try to push away from him, but he holds you firmly. Gently of course, but he keeps you wrapped in his embrace.

“You are a real man, [Y/N]. There is not a single moment where I doubted that. Spending time with you is what I look forward to every day.” The feeling of his hands rubbing your back calms you slightly, but you say nothing. “I would never lie to you, I just want to help you. It's okay to feel the way you do, however everything will get better with time.” His whispers reach your ear and you start crying even harder, ashamed that you lashed out.

“Sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t… I’m so… I’m so sorry, Gaster…,” you manage to choke out.

“Shh, it’s okay. Everything is okay, there’s nothing to apologize for, love.” Sinking into his arms again, your body is wracked by a new round of sobs.

A few moments later, you’re breathing shakily but the tears have mostly stopped. You manage to calm your racing heart, and your breathing slowly returns to normal. As the realization of what happened sinks in, you suddenly want to hide. “S-s-s-sorry, uh… that’s…”

Gaster runs his hand along the side of your cheek, and his voice is soft, “please, don’t apologize. I want to be here for you. If you want to talk about it, I’m here and am always happy to listen if that will help.” His hand gently moves your face up to meet his eyes, and the smile on his face calms you.

“There’s... There's nothing to say, really. Just…” With a grimace, you sigh. “Dysphoria’s a bitch sometimes.” Still shaking slightly, you nestle your head into his chest once more. After staying that way for a while, your breathing has calmed completely and your mind has relaxed. “Uh… thanks. I know you have to work soon, but… can you stay in here to sleep with me until then?”

He nods, smiling, “Of course.” With that the two of you lay down, drifting off to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~

When you open your eyes, the first thing you see is Gaster’s face mere inches from yours. The memories from last night flood back and you cringe, flushing red. _Oh dear god, I can’t believe I did that…_ You pull yourself out of his arms, reluctantly, and yawn.

It’s when you see the clock that you begin to panic again, it’s way past when Gaster was supposed to leave for work! You shake him awake, and he looks up at you with a tired expression. “U-um, I hate to wake you… but you’re late for work, and I thought I should get you up.”

A soft laugh escapes his mouth, “I’m calling in today, I don’t want you to spend the day alone.” His hand reaches up to caress your face and you unconsciously lean into his touch.

Unsure of what to say, you just nod. “Thanks…” Your gaze falls to the floor, and you feel the need to change the subject. “I’ll make us some breakfast, if you want. Anything in particular you’re hoping to eat?”

Together you two decide on eggs and bacon, along with coffee (tea for Gaster) and then spend the day watching movies, curled up together on the couch in a nest of blankets.

**Author's Note:**

> Welp. That's a thing that I wrote. Hopefully it helps someone besides me XD
> 
> (Also I should say, not all trans people feel dysphoria and it's not always this bad, stuff like this differs from person to person, so I based it off of my own experiences).


End file.
